Tree Thoughts

My migraines are officially back. I've been trying to fight through them for about 2 weeks now, but yesterday I had to cancel plans because I just couldn't bring myself to get off the couch. I felt like someone was pulling my hair really hard and it made it hard to even open my eyes. This happens every year. Seasonal migraines... which often leads to seasonal depression and unmotivation and lack of self esteem since there is a lack of creating. It is hard to deny that my art is my life when it is so integral to my mood and general self worth. I don't feel like I am myself when I am depressed. I am some lesser, inadequate, unattractive, usually much more rude version of me. And I hate it. So since I am aware that my migraines often facilitate my depression I am trying really hard to not let it happen this season. I have too much going on. I don't have a day off, I don't have the time to waste being any less than my best right now. 

I have been feeling a lot better in the past few months. I was really hoping to avoid these headaches all together this year. I thought I might get my wish earlier this month, but I think it was the odd late summer we got here in the Northwest that gave me false hope. Usually the fall season hits us, as it should, in Mid September. But this year we were having summer days all the way up to mid November! Our winter just started, most of us haven't even had a chance to see snow yet.

 

 I have felt the coldness creep in though. Since I am out walking pups for at least an hour every day I am starting to yearn for Spring when everything starts getting new growth again. Nearly all of the Autumn leaves have fallen and are turning to dark brown mush on the sides of the roads. So the few chances the sun does show it's face there is no avoiding it. It shines through all the dead looking trees and glistens off all the wet rotting leaves on the ground making outside unbearably bright when you compare it to how unbearably cold it is. When there is that much light outside it really needs to be warmer. 

Now the only trees that are left looking alive are all the trees that look like Christmas trees. So no matter where you go there is always a subtle subconscious reminder that this month you are going to be broke. Since that is honestly what Christmas means once you hit 19 years old.. It's just another month you still have to pay rent, an extra large power bill, internet, and you have to go out and blow tons of money on gifts and shit for the holidays.

So I decided to distract myself from all these tree thoughts I have by painting. I've been noticing all these perfect little places to paint. Like I have stumbled upon a natural unused frame! Well... the first one I found wasn't natural. Someone had carved out a rectangle of bark from a tree and I just couldn't resist painting it really fast.  Turned out pretty shitty but I was rushing with a hand cut stencil on paper and some rough acrylic paint.  I just needed something to brighten up my cold gloomy day.