I'm in a creating rut again. I don't know what throws me into these, but it seems like I get them semi frequently. I smash out like ten pieces and I feel so full of ideas and progress, then its like I just can't keep my eyes ahead of me and I slam right into this Berlin Wall of creation block. Maybe it was giving all my finished stuff to Like A Boss Lady. I don't have anything to stare at while I'm thinking of new things. I gather a lot of inspiration from stuff I have already done. When I look for art or artists I love looking for patterns in pieces. I love diptych and triptych sets and I am always searching for little similarities and repeated imagery in everything. So I tend to do lots of little mini sets and "collections" if you will, in my own art.
I thought of something to draw yesterday, Tody and I talked about my looming wall and he helped me think of some interesting ideas. I'm just not motivated, and I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm falling farther and farther behind but I'm letting it get out of control. All this stress hasn't been good for my tummy or lower back and feeling sick and uncomfortable a lot also drags me down. I need to get focused again and ignore all these distractions around me that in the long run will probably end up just holding me back more. My life is here in my art, in my home, and in these relationships I've made. I feel like my head is on a kite stuck in a storm cloud; being beat at every side by tear drops and cold shoulders and the occasional, confusing electrifying touch.
I slept a lot last night off and on, and I had nightmare after nightmare that I can't remember. But it made me realize I hadn't had a bad dream in months. I've been more relaxed this year than ever. I don't want to revert back to my stressed out dramatic ways. I barely make anything on a consistent basis when I'm unhappy, and the things I do finish are just not a good representation of me. I guess one could argue that it is a testament to who I was at that given moment, but I don't like that either. If I don't like how I am feeling than the art I put out there shows that distaste.
Maybe its all just a vicious cycle, because the more I make the better I feel, yet it is near impossible sometimes for me to get happy enough to just start one piece.
Hopefully venting helped.
I thought of something to draw yesterday, Tody and I talked about my looming wall and he helped me think of some interesting ideas. I'm just not motivated, and I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm falling farther and farther behind but I'm letting it get out of control. All this stress hasn't been good for my tummy or lower back and feeling sick and uncomfortable a lot also drags me down. I need to get focused again and ignore all these distractions around me that in the long run will probably end up just holding me back more. My life is here in my art, in my home, and in these relationships I've made. I feel like my head is on a kite stuck in a storm cloud; being beat at every side by tear drops and cold shoulders and the occasional, confusing electrifying touch.
I slept a lot last night off and on, and I had nightmare after nightmare that I can't remember. But it made me realize I hadn't had a bad dream in months. I've been more relaxed this year than ever. I don't want to revert back to my stressed out dramatic ways. I barely make anything on a consistent basis when I'm unhappy, and the things I do finish are just not a good representation of me. I guess one could argue that it is a testament to who I was at that given moment, but I don't like that either. If I don't like how I am feeling than the art I put out there shows that distaste.
Maybe its all just a vicious cycle, because the more I make the better I feel, yet it is near impossible sometimes for me to get happy enough to just start one piece.
Hopefully venting helped.
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